A theory for happiness & Saturday Soul this weekend

Sonder

I feel blessed in my life, and still, I sometimes find myself caught in the spiral of not doing enough, not being enough, not having enough. And for a long time, I couldn’t really understand why.

A few years ago, my teacher Davidji led us through a loving-kindness meditation that quietly changed my life.

It sparked a theory I’ve carried with me ever since.

So much of our unnecessary anxiety and emotional struggle stems from an obsessive focus on ourselves. Constant self-monitoring, self-comparing, self-measuring. And that tunnel vision creates a feeling of lack, no matter how full our lives are.

Then I came across a word: Sonder—the realization that every passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. That each person you see has a full inner world: of memories, fears, hopes, and heartbreak. Just like you.

And I think sondering might be the happiness hack we’ve been missing.
The simple shift of turning our gaze outward toward others can quiet the noise and critical voice within.

Because the moment you truly recognize that everyone else is carrying just as much complexity as you are, I think your own burdens may feel a little lighter, your pain a little less isolating, and your heart a little more open.

Try it for a day. See what happens.