A Relationship Philosophy That Changed Me + Next Saturday Soul

A Philosophy for Relationships

About eight years ago, I was in a recording studio. I walked into the bathroom, and hanging on the wall was this.

I’d been to that studio dozens of times and had never noticed it before. But for whatever reason, it jumped out at me this time—so I stopped and read it.

The engineer was probably wondering what I was doing in there… 😅

But this piece put into words something I had always felt to be true, but had never quite found the words for.

I’ll let it speak for itself. Hopefully it sparks something in you—or maybe even inspires you to create your own credo for the relationships in your life. Enjoy :)

A Credo for my Relationships with Others

By Dr. Thomas Gordon

You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with our own unique values and needs and the right to meet those needs.

So that we will better know and understand what each of us values and needs, let us always be open and honest in our communication.

When you are having problems meeting your needs, I will listen with genuine acceptance and understanding so as to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. And I want you to be a listener for me when I need to find solutions to my problems.

At those times when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, when some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can try to change my behavior.

And when we experience conflicts in our relationship, let us agree to resolve each conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine—neither will lose, both will win.

In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.

Take a long, slow, deep breath in…

What narrow beliefs are still enslaving me?
What small ways of being are holding me back?

What’s really true beyond fear and lack?
What new, expansive truths could set me free?

Exhale.